After my realization about Tatum I had no idea what to do, I felt completely tongue tied. The last time I ever had a crush was, well, James. At least with him he liked me back and was gutsy enough to ask me out. Tatum just thought of me as a friend, and I know he told Libby I'm not his type. I was so embarrassed that in the middle of our meal together I told him I thought I left the oven on and ran away as fast as possible. What a terrible lie, I don't even have an oven.
Now he thinks I really hate him and he's way to oblivious to ever realize that's not the case (which I guess is a good thing).
He wants to go to the movie tonight... and as much as I am worried about how stupid I'll sound or look or whatever, I do just miss being friends and hanging out.
----
I put on a simple black dress and grabbed a coat in case it got cold at the movie. Last minute I switched my shoes to bright kitten wedges and put on a not so heavily rimmed pair of glasses.
I heard a knock on my door and my heart nearly flew out of my chest.
I pulled it open- probably to hastily- to see Capri standing outside.
"Hi!" she said in her cute voice, "I know we haven't talked all that much, but Tatum said we could all meet up to go to the movie". I stood for a second in silence, my heart falling.
"Oh"
"Um... he said it was okay with you, I hope I'm not intruding" she squeaked, starting to look worried. I felt bad, she didn't do anything to me. Besides her and Tatum would look cute together.
"No, it's fine, come inside" I replied, pushing the door for her.
We ended up at the kitchen table, sitting awkwardly, so I put on water to boil for tea, figuring that would help.
"So" I started, "you're from France.."
"Yes" she piped up, taking the chance to make conversation, "it's really nice! Are you from here"
"Nearby" I replied, "a small town"
"Me too" she laughed, "sometimes I would hate it because everyone knew everyone's business"
"I can relate"
And from there the conversation started to pick up a bit. She was very nice, I could definitely see her and Tatum being happy together. After some time talking, there was another knock at the door.
Finally Tatum had arrived, he seemed in a really good mood, probably because Capri was there. I wanted to just die inside, but I pushed those feelings down and tried to forget about them.
"Movie time ladies!" he said, pretending to be suave, "voulez-vous go to a movie avec moi?" he continued in a really bad accent, attempting to quote that American song (his french is just embarrassing). But Capri just thought it was so cute and she giggled. Ugh.
We ended up at the movie all sitting together, Tatum in the middle. They just kept chatting away and being so happy that finally I got fed up. I mumbled something incoherent to them and just upped and left. I figured I'd just go back to my dorm and sulk when I heard footsteps running behind me.
"Lillian, wait!" called Tatum, "what's gotten into you lately?" he said out of breath as he caught up.
"Nothing" I muttered to him.
"Lillian, you're my best friend, I know it's not nothing, you can tell me"
"Why don't you just go back and hang out with Capri" I snorted back
He stopped for a minute and studied my face, "you're not being replaced" he said looking concerned.
"Ugh, I know, whatever" I couldn't think of anything, I was trying to be mad but it was so hard with him. I took a breath, "that's not it"
I just wanted to kiss him, to tell him how I felt, but my voice was caught up in my throat. It was just too embarrassing. I took another breath and pulled myself together.
"I just am feeling really sick, I think I'm going to go lie down" I forced a smile and watched as he looked relieved, told me to feel better and ran back to the movie.
UGH.

I've been completely avoiding Tatum for the past couple days, he's just driving me insane with his french girl obsession. I mean I've met her, she's cute, but it's not like she's the next Helen of Troy or whatever. He finally called me up today and said he wanted to hang out, to get dinner at this nice restaurant that just opened. Obviously he just wanted to talk about Capri, but I did miss seeing him so I agreed.
I don't know what happened in my mind, but I felt the need to look nice, so I put on jewelry and makeup and picked out a nice dress. The restaurant wasn't that fancy but it wouldn't kill me to dress up once in a while.
Tatum was already there when I arrived. I sat down and there was a bit of an awkward pause- he seemed to have picked up on the fact that I wasn't talking to him for a reason.
"So... what's going on?" he began, "what did I do?"
I felt awkward and started to play with my utensils.
"You didn't do anything" I muttered
"Well obviously if I did if you haven't called or texted me in the past week"
"Well why didn't you call or text me if you're so concerned" I countered. I was getting angry, why didn't he just bring up Capri already.
"Well I did today" he shot back
"Well" I couldn't think of anything.
"This isn't like you" he continued, "is everything okay?"
And he looked at me with those sweet eyes, so concerned. My heart started to pound. My palms felt sweaty and butterflies suddenly started to appear in my stomach. Shit, what was wrong with me?
"Lillian?" He reached out a hand and lightly flicked my nose. He was so cute, and so kind and jeez it hit me like a ton of bricks. I liked Tatum. I like liked Tatum.
 
I haven't had a crush like this in years.

I went to the Library today to explore and read a little (killing two birds with one stone) and let me tell you, the Venice library is huge. I have never seen so many books in one place- it was amazing. There were all sorts of scholarly types reading huge volumes, about which I could only guess.
I sat down in a corner and began to look through some beautiful books when I felt my phone buzz. I looked down to see a text.
Tatum: LILLIAN
I sighed, that usually meant he needed help or was bored
Me: At the library Tate
I replied quickly
Tatum: Cool be right there
I wanted to smack myself in the face, there goes peace and quiet. I headed back outside so he wouldn't disrupt anyone.
"Lillian!!!" he cried as he appeared out of a crowd, "I'm in love!!"
"Who now" I asked, starting to get annoyed with him, though I'm not sure why
"She's new at Blaise- and SHE'S FRENCH! And she's so damn cute, I just want to pick her up"
"Jeez Tatum, pull yourself together"
"Quick, please, teach me French" he began to beg, grabbing my shoulders
"Tates, I don't speak French" I replied, taking his hands of my shoulders, "Go talk to someone else- maybe Libby or Lola or someone. I'm sure one girl here speaks french"
"Libby's always with that shy guy, Alex" he muttered
"Okay, not my problem" I was starting to get angry at him and I could tell it was coming across in my voice. He was obsessing over some girl who he couldn't even talk to
He looked up at me, hurt, "Sorry Lillian, I didn't mean to bother you. I'll see you around". And then walked back into the crowd. Dammit I felt terrible.

I decided I'd spend a whole day really getting great photos of Venice- I was lucky enough to have a few roles of black and white film on me, not just color.
Tatum tagged along with me (with a cheap point and shoot camera he bought at the airport) and we explored so much of the city. As we neared the hotel again Tatum excitedly pointed out a couple walking hand in hand.
"It's Lola and Seth!" he exclaimed, and right on cue the girl turned her face up to the guy, allowing us to see her profile. It was indeed the pair. Cute.
"I'm so glad they're doing fine again" Tatum continued, "I really think they're a cute couple"
I couldn't help but smile, "Yeah, they kinda are"
"All that crazy shit with Libby must have really strained them- but look everything's fine"
I smiled and nodded.
"She's a really smart girl, it's weird you wouldn't notice it, she kind of hides it" he continues as I watch Lola and Seth, not really listening.
"Hmm, who?" I ask, still lost in my mind
"Libby" he replies, "Libby Ryde- she's really smart"
Libby Ryde. That name, I know it.
 
And then it hit me.
 
"I know where I know her!" I almost yell at Tatum, grabbing his hand and running into the hotel. I can tell I've confused him but it can't be helped. I just keep running till I reach my room. Once I unlock the door I snatch open my suitcase and pull out my sketchbook, flipping to the back pocket where I keep things important to me. It's basically all pictures of me and James at all sorts of events and places, smiling and laughing.
Tatum picks up some of the pictures and studies them, "Lillian, who's the guy?"
I don't have time to answer, I found what I was looking for. An old newspaper article from 8 years ago, showing me and James and a few other kids proudly holding our awards. The article is titled "London School Kids Nationally Recognized". I quickly move my eyes to the picture, reading the caption below.
"These five sixth graders have been nationally recognized as the brightest in each of their potential fields.
Shannon Page: Excellence in Mathematics and Science
Robert Norris: Excellence in Music
Lillian Tyler: Excellence in Art
James Murphy: Excellence in Literature
Libby Ryde: Overall Outstanding Academic Excellence"
 
Libby Ryde
I looked at her picture, she's changed so much. Back then she was just this little blond skinny thing, not a piece of meat on her bones. But I could tell it was the same person.
 
"What is this?" asked Tatum, looking over my shoulder. He started reading some of the article and gasped in surprise, "Lillian, you've won one of these? This is one of the most prestigious awards, hundreds of thousands of kids apply throughout the U.K."
"Tatum, look, it's Libby" I whisper, not bothering to answer him. "She was said to be the kid with the most potential in all of the U.K.- she went on to win the next award up from there"
"Bloody hell" he whispered in shock, "she is literally brilliant"
We both looked up at each other
"What happened?" he asked me. I just shook my head in confusion